Recently I heard a sermon that was so powerful my spiritual self-stirred and circled the pews with the vigor of a young child. I was on the edge of my seat during the entire sermon. Feeling convicted, tears fell to my cheeks. My repentant heart was in full view of those sitting next to behind me and in front. The delivery of the sermon was compelling and intensely passionate. He was in love with the text. His passion sparked a spiritual connection within each and every listener. His joy, his excitement, regarding the text, became our own.
Passion is powerful. It is a compelling emotion or feeling. Passion is the flame in the fire. Love fueled by passion brings great results. When you first got married, passion permeated the atmosphere. Your spouse could do no wrong. You were inseparable. You weren’t just in love; you were passionately in love. Passion makes a good marriage great. Passion makes you do things for your spouse that you thought you would never do.
Unfortunately, today, the loss of passion is universal. Sometime after the wedding, passion will walk out the door. So many things can crush passion. Children, debt, long working hours, in laws, annoying habits, and day to day challenges can lock passion out of your life. Passion and desire can easily buckle under stress. When you say good-bye to passion, you find ways to simply cope and survive. It’s a hum drum life. Dr. David Clarke author of “Kiss Me Like You Mean It” says that intimacy cannot exist without passion. He points out that lack of passion can lead to three bad things; a dead marriage, loss of respect and love for each other and you are tempted to seek passion outside the marriage. You know when there is no passion when you stop kissing each other good night, when you don’t miss one another after being apart from each other for long periods of time, and when your spouse walks into the room and there are no sparks. Your heart no longer leaps at the sound of his/her voice and intimacy is a forgotten experience.
Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Created for Connection says the most common reason couples lose their passion for each other and stop being sexually intimate is a pursuer-distancer pattern that develops over time. She identifies the pattern of demand-withdraw as “Protest Polka” and says it is one of three Demon Dialogues. She explains that when one partner becomes critical and aggressive, the other often becomes defensive and distant.
What is the status of passion in your marriage? If there is no fire in your marital relationship, I want you to know there is a cure. You can bring passion back into your marriage. The kind of passion that will last a lifetime and the kind of passion that will glorify God. It will take some effort on your part.
All marriages are one breakthrough away from success. Increased passion results from the elimination of lack of security, attention and time. Want more passion, here are some practical steps. 1) Establish deeper levels of commitment. In other words, declare your loyalty to each other. Ask your spouse what loyalty looks like to you. Does it mean coming home from work on time? Does it mean sharing words of affirmation? Ask your spouse to describe ways to improve loyalty. 2) Get away. Find the time to change your environment. Explore new places together and enjoy each other’s company. 3) Spend time together. If you’re not spending any time together you cannot cultivate passion. William Harley author of "His Needs Her Needs", suggest that couples should spend 15 hours per week together. 4) Put God at the center of your marriage. Make God the source of your passion.
We need passion. Passion for the right things not passion for the wrongs things that can destroy us like sin. Pray to have a passionate life for the things of God. Colossians 3:23 says 'Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.'
If you want real passion, with your spouse - then get busy. I promise you; you will not regret it.